it's saturday,where everyone would go out with friends and family to have some fun but as for me it's not like that anyway going out at night with my parents as per normal they all force me to follow them,i have no choice either. ok,don't where they want to goi can't be bothered by it anyway. nothing much to talk about but i have a lot to say about my life just about everything that have been happening or had happened in my life for the past few months and recently too. since near the end of last year and till this year,my life have been one rocky road,not smooth sailing at all. where everythings is wrong and nothing is right. people may think i'm running away from all the problems that i have,but you know what? i'm not running away from the problems but instead i let it being unsolve and let things the way it is. i'm just sick and tired with everything,i'm really really tired i just need some rest,i can't be bother with anything for now.
some of them even give me adivces to help solve my problems and while others trying to give me solution on how i should handle my problems and everything at home. i really thank them for thier care and concern for me and thier help,but it still won't help at all, what you've said i done it before and how long it last? for few days only. people also keep telling me they had went through what i'm going through ,they know how i feel right now,but i wonder if you really know what i'm going through now and how i feel? i don't think so. one of my family members once told me to be open,talk to him if i have problems or just find anyone that can sit by my side and be my listerning ear,but guess what? everytime i try to tell people whats my problems ,what am i going through,how i feel etc etc,no one ever listern,instead they are telling me thier stories, how hard they went through this life. thats why i rather keep things to myself and i learnt not make others life difficult just because of me.
because of what have been happening in my life, i change a lot,if anyone of you ever ask me who i have become? or ask me who i am now? because you people can't seem to recognise me at all. let me tell you i don't even know who i am,i myself can't recognise who is this person that had taken over my soul. as the mask i use to wear so that i could hide in my fantasy have become a part of my life. only in fantasy i could be who i really am,only in fantasy where my weakness came in sight. now in reality,all i do is smile and laugh to tell everyone that i am leading a good life , a happy life that everyone wish for. but everytime i say that i'm fine,it is a reminder to myself that i'm not fine,i'm not ok at all.
i'm dying in the inside,bit by bit,piece by piece i'm falling apart,bit by bit i lost that bit of strength and i'm just too weak to stand up tall to the world. bit by bit i lost my self-confidence. and now i'm like a corpse can't do anything but let things the way it is,i even lost my sense of feeling and emotions,what i can only do is just walk around,doing nothing. and that is what i refer myself as.they are those who leading a much more worse life than i'm sure and i agree but everyne have thier own problems and weakness. we all have different mind and how we refer our life as......i left with nothing to say for now
