todae,i did not need to go to skool as there is no exam paper for me except for those who take A math and poa den they hav to go to skool to take thier exams. i woke kinda early around 8 :45 and den to took a bath,my headache was killin bacuase these few i've not been havin a gd sleep,can't sleep realli well dun noe way. after a gd mornin bath,i went straight to on my com,online for a while,den offline,den online again n offline,repeat da routine,gt ntg better to do. den there were only me n my bro who was sound asleep he kinda just gt bck from work,my mom went out for a while,so by den my house was so quite except da noises from my com of cuz all da songs tat i'm listernin fill da atmosphere of my quiet house. den i ate my breakfast,sit in front of my com again chatted for a while wif some peeps from my skool n others. den 1:45 my mom just gt bck from bedok interchange,i didn't follow cause i just hate it,i hate to go out wif my mom especially,she is just....nvm dun wan to say it,for me she is just pain in da neck,i dun care wat others think bout when i started to talk bout my parents especially my mom.
enough talkin bout my mom,just hate it. i noe it is a sin to shout bck at my parents n do some other stuffs but i dun care bout it anymore cause i do hav da limit of patience wif them,they hav,i do hav to n so is everyone. she keep testin my patience,tats y i hated to go hom early from skool,hate to talk her,cause when i started to talk to her it will end up in a fight wif all da shoutin at each other. hate to go out wif to do shoppin or watsoeva,no fun,irritatin,at tymes she is makin a fool of herself n make feel so ashamed i just have to say all of tis somehow,it is been a long tyme i kept tis feelin towardsn it is hurtin me too much. life at home is so horrible,tats y i nvr talk a lot at home,i'll be doin my own stuffs n she will her own stuffs which i dun even care wat she's doin. when at tymes she asked for help,i help n at da end of day it will turn into a fight bcause she love to say about everything i did tat ti her is wrg n to me is ryte n dun even care if its ryte or wrg,bcause of tat i always stop half way tru da help she needed n at tymes i stop n just throw aside things i used to help her,or some papers or letters i hel[ her to read. it is just too hurtin. at tymes lyke tat,i tried to be patience n nvr talk t her unless it is necessary. but most of da when my patience had comes to it limit,i just hav to let go n shout at her,durin tat tymes i would nvr care if wat i just did towards her is a sin or not.
but one thing is tat if i realli hav to let go all my anger to her,i make sure tat my bro is nt at home,cause if he wer at home after he talk to my mom i'm gonna get from him next,he will den ask me to go dwn wif at da void deck n start naggin,scoldin me n seriously he change a lot n now become more n more lyke my mom,as tyme pass da feelin of hatred i hav wif my mom now goes da same to my bro,i do feel tat hatred feelin towards him. now at tymes i dun look at him as a person i could go to for help in my lyfe at home,skool or bout some probs i hav outside. now at tymes too i look at him as a threat to me when i'm askin for help as he had given me warnings bout certain stuffs. now wif tat warnin given i dun feel secured but instead i take it as a threat. now wateva i do tat is gt to do wif da warning he given to me,i had to be careful nt to let him finds out. when just tis yr,i me n my bro started to be lyke we used to be last tyme i was so happy but i dunno it would turn out tis way.
as for my dad i'm alwaes ok wif him,wateva i did henot alwaes let it out to me unless it is realli neccessary n important for me to noe if wat i did was wrg or no gd. he once read my skool diary which i kept a lot of stuffs happening in my lyfe tat my parents n nt eeven my bro knew about it except for my frens. i was shocked when i knew he read all of it cause he left a msg in da book which i dun really quite rememeber wat he wrote now. but when i read da msg he write,tears started to roll dwn,felt of hatred n betrayed was there too. i felt he betrayed my privacy of my lyfe outside which certain stuffs just had its privacy to it. i cried n da whole day at skool i couldn't realli concentrate at all. but to think he's da one who been da person comfortin me when i'm dwn or i juat had a fight wif my or after my mom scolded me. he dun realli care wat i did,even if he care he will just kept quiet bout it example would be when i actually dyed my hair my mom was da one bz doin da scoldin bout my hair but he just kept quite,i was lucky too my mom just scolded me n didn't asked me to dyed black bck again tat was da gd thing. tats wat i think bout my dad last tyme ,now nt anymore,he changed too. he nvr intruded into my privacy before nvr scolded me when i shout at my mom,when i shout at my mom he used to just comfort me n talk to me nicely but now when i actualli shouted at my mom or i'm nt da one who lookin for fights n it was my mom he actuali scolded me,everytime he did tat to me,i cried he was nt da father i knew last tyme.
everyone at home change n i can;t denied i do change too,a drasctic change. but can't everyone stop n think tat is just da way nature works,everyone change at certain tymes either to be a better person or worse n da nxt tyme they change again,it would be better. i also dun lyke da change i actualli when tru when i sit n think about it but i can't help it if this is wat it supposed to be for da tyme being den i just hav to bare wif it but others can't lyke my family members. i can't denied n it would be a lie if i were to say i dun luv my parents at all. yes i do love them but tat feelin of love had been changed to hatred. everytyime ppl around me knew bout how i how much i hate my parents or da probs tat been goin on at home,they will turn to me n said i'm da one who is da wrg n i'm da one who should say sorry nt my parents or anyone but me...but haa eva anyone tried to be in my shoes,has eav anyone tried to sit dwn here n tried to understand tis feelin which hav been goin on for a long time.
no one seems to understand but instead pointin finger at me n tellin me tat i'm da one in dawrg,i'm da one who shld apologise,i'm da one made all of tis to happened n nt my parents or others. as anyone eva think tat wat u ppl said all tat to me actualli was so hurtin for me. no one eva cares,n now i dun even care wats happening around me especially at home,DO U PPL THINK TAT I WANTED EVERYTHING TO BE TIS WAY??? NO!!! I DUN WAN,I HATE IT WHEN EVERYTHING GOES TIS WAY!!! BUT EVERYONE THOUGHT I WANT IT TIS WAY!!!!
if u ppl think tat i wan my lyfe to be tis way,n i alwaes pin point to thers wif da wrgs tat i did, den i suggest u better just leave me alone cause u ppl keep hurtin me tis way....
